Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize