At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
