Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
