In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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