If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
