i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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