I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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