Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
