so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dick very happy bro
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
