Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we're making bets on your personal life
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
