So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
