I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
