YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
