one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
