Just took my morning after pill in the library
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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