i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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