im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Still dying that you shit outside
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
