Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
