i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
