wat bout pragnant strippers??
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
