I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
