I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
