We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize