He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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