____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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