I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
