my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
