did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
