This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize