I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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