when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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