I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So many bounce houses so little time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
