Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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