I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
