I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize