Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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