these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
