he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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