My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
