she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
