I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
