I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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