i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
