if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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