I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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