It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
this is an emotional support booty call
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
