I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
