I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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