You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
its not stalking. its research.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
