At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Can Purell be used as lube?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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