Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I could make wine with my vomit
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
