she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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