We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
