i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
