I will die if light touches me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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