i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
