Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
