And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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