1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
