You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
