He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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