Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you didnt know i had herpes?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
