and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Randomize
