drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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