a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
