im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
