At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
