drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
