ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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