there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize